08.15.09
I have been randomly crying, but only for a couple of minutes here and there. I was in Target, I had a cart of things I needed, and began to cry. No trigger, no reason. Just started crying. I had to leave the cart and go. Now I know why there are always random carts lying around stores. It's for people getting divorced.
I had a low spot yesterday. I went on a job interview, one that sounded promising. I drove 45 minutes for the interview, in heavy traffic, canceling my plans to spend a much needed day with a friend. Upon arrival, I thought I was in the wrong place. Loud rap music was playing. There must have been fifteen teenagers filling out applications. I sat through fifteen minutes in the interview, trying to figure out what kind of company this was, before I discovered it was a pyramid scheme. I was devastated.
I wasn't on the freeway for ten minutes before I burst into tears. I expected it to stop after a couple of minutes, but it didn't. I sobbed all the way home. I felt like the world was out to get me. My husband leaves me. I finally got my dream of owning a home. Life was getting better and better, and now I have to leave it all behind.
That evening, he came home from work, sat down next to me on the couch, and just began telling me about his day. It was like nothing had ever happened. I didn't know what to do, but I let him talk. I still care about him, that won't go away right away. When he had finished talking, he went upstairs and went to bed. he is sleeping in his office, where he had already moved all this things before I got home from Colorado. I couldn't take it. I burst into tears again. I cried, and cried and cried. Harder than I have ever cried before. I sobbed so hard, and so loud. Hours turned into more hours. I cried until I ran out of tears, then kept crying. I let it all out. I was angry, and sad and bitter and lonely...I finally fell asleep, still crying.
I hate being alone. I feel so alone already. When I was crying, I wanted so badly to cry in somebody's arms. I don't have anybody I can do that with anymore. I wanted to be held, and hugged, and to feel safe again. My safety is gone.
I have been randomly crying, but only for a couple of minutes here and there. I was in Target, I had a cart of things I needed, and began to cry. No trigger, no reason. Just started crying. I had to leave the cart and go. Now I know why there are always random carts lying around stores. It's for people getting divorced.
I had a low spot yesterday. I went on a job interview, one that sounded promising. I drove 45 minutes for the interview, in heavy traffic, canceling my plans to spend a much needed day with a friend. Upon arrival, I thought I was in the wrong place. Loud rap music was playing. There must have been fifteen teenagers filling out applications. I sat through fifteen minutes in the interview, trying to figure out what kind of company this was, before I discovered it was a pyramid scheme. I was devastated.
I wasn't on the freeway for ten minutes before I burst into tears. I expected it to stop after a couple of minutes, but it didn't. I sobbed all the way home. I felt like the world was out to get me. My husband leaves me. I finally got my dream of owning a home. Life was getting better and better, and now I have to leave it all behind.
That evening, he came home from work, sat down next to me on the couch, and just began telling me about his day. It was like nothing had ever happened. I didn't know what to do, but I let him talk. I still care about him, that won't go away right away. When he had finished talking, he went upstairs and went to bed. he is sleeping in his office, where he had already moved all this things before I got home from Colorado. I couldn't take it. I burst into tears again. I cried, and cried and cried. Harder than I have ever cried before. I sobbed so hard, and so loud. Hours turned into more hours. I cried until I ran out of tears, then kept crying. I let it all out. I was angry, and sad and bitter and lonely...I finally fell asleep, still crying.
I hate being alone. I feel so alone already. When I was crying, I wanted so badly to cry in somebody's arms. I don't have anybody I can do that with anymore. I wanted to be held, and hugged, and to feel safe again. My safety is gone.
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