01.11.10
I am a firm believer that a person’s happiness depends on their perspective. How you look at a situation determines how you will fare afterward. Two people can have the same situation occur and one could be quite happy and the other extremely miserable depending on how they look at it. Example:
Negative: My ex left me to find someone better. I wasted over six years of my life on someone that betrayed me. I don’t have the security of a partnership, and the life I envisioned is over. I am a failure. I will never have a 50 year anniversary now. I am alone and probably always will be….
Positive: My ex left me for something less. I have gained experience and wisdom that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I am independent and have choices. I have a second chance to be happy. I don’t know if that means in a relationship of alone, but it is up to me to find that happiness…
It was really hard to be positive in the beginning. When I was so negative, it was so easy to just continue being negative. I had to fight to find something positive. It took a huge effort to do so. Now, it is once again second nature to me to look for positives in the situation first, negative last. As I started to feel better with my new outlook, I regained that positive attitude I had before. It is healing for me. One of the biggest steps in the healing process, actually.
Don’t be fooled though, I still have my negative moments. We have seen them here in some of my posts. I give myself a little pep talk and point out to myself all the positives in my life. At one time, early on, the only thing good I might be able to find was that I didn’t cry that day. Or that I was able to sing along with three songs on the radio before bursting into tears, for a couple of minutes I wasn’t in pain. I was reaching deep to find positives then.
People kept telling me things will get better with time. I am not good at waiting though, and I wanted to feel better now, not “in time”. I needed to go through the process, I needed to grow as a person and heal the right way, I still do. I didn’t want to heal on the outside and have this boiling wound on the inside that would open up one day and spread infection over everything. I keep picking at it to see if it still hurts, and if it shows signs of healing. So I hurt as bad as I did last week? Last month?
Five months does make an incredible difference in how you feel. I still check my wounds for signs of infection and healing. It’s a gauge to see how I am progressing through this process. Am I getting better If not, I figure out what I need to do to get there.
When this happened within a week I realized I needed to go to counseling. I realized I could not handle this one alone. I learned to lean on my friends, something I had not done before. I leaned to accept help where I needed it. I realized that it takes more strength to speak up and say, I need some help than it does to ignore it and brush it under the rug and pretend there are no issues. It takes an incredible amount of strength to face issues head on and deal with them.
I am a firm believer that a person’s happiness depends on their perspective. How you look at a situation determines how you will fare afterward. Two people can have the same situation occur and one could be quite happy and the other extremely miserable depending on how they look at it. Example:
Negative: My ex left me to find someone better. I wasted over six years of my life on someone that betrayed me. I don’t have the security of a partnership, and the life I envisioned is over. I am a failure. I will never have a 50 year anniversary now. I am alone and probably always will be….
Positive: My ex left me for something less. I have gained experience and wisdom that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I am independent and have choices. I have a second chance to be happy. I don’t know if that means in a relationship of alone, but it is up to me to find that happiness…
It was really hard to be positive in the beginning. When I was so negative, it was so easy to just continue being negative. I had to fight to find something positive. It took a huge effort to do so. Now, it is once again second nature to me to look for positives in the situation first, negative last. As I started to feel better with my new outlook, I regained that positive attitude I had before. It is healing for me. One of the biggest steps in the healing process, actually.
Don’t be fooled though, I still have my negative moments. We have seen them here in some of my posts. I give myself a little pep talk and point out to myself all the positives in my life. At one time, early on, the only thing good I might be able to find was that I didn’t cry that day. Or that I was able to sing along with three songs on the radio before bursting into tears, for a couple of minutes I wasn’t in pain. I was reaching deep to find positives then.
People kept telling me things will get better with time. I am not good at waiting though, and I wanted to feel better now, not “in time”. I needed to go through the process, I needed to grow as a person and heal the right way, I still do. I didn’t want to heal on the outside and have this boiling wound on the inside that would open up one day and spread infection over everything. I keep picking at it to see if it still hurts, and if it shows signs of healing. So I hurt as bad as I did last week? Last month?
Five months does make an incredible difference in how you feel. I still check my wounds for signs of infection and healing. It’s a gauge to see how I am progressing through this process. Am I getting better If not, I figure out what I need to do to get there.
When this happened within a week I realized I needed to go to counseling. I realized I could not handle this one alone. I learned to lean on my friends, something I had not done before. I leaned to accept help where I needed it. I realized that it takes more strength to speak up and say, I need some help than it does to ignore it and brush it under the rug and pretend there are no issues. It takes an incredible amount of strength to face issues head on and deal with them.
I am so glad that you shared that with us today. I needed some perspective in my life today. I also need to look on the positive side of things and struggle many days to do just that. I find myself doing what you have done...saying he positive thing is that I didn't cry today! Pretty bad...but I know it is something that is positive for the day. my stress today is that the lawyer gave my dissolution paperwork to look over so that we can get ready to file this week. It just dredges up all those feelings again...that I have been so hard at working through. i do know that this is a necessary step, bur need to look on the positive that it will provide some closure and the necessary steps to move on with my life with my 2 kids. Think positive...
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