I've been resisting and resisting, and I realize that I can't hide forever. As much as I want to move on and enter the part where I am single and dating...I'm terrified. So this guy I know, he knows a man who is out of a marriage 2 years, and says he's perfect yadda yadda... long story short after three weeks me me ho humming and hedging...I agreed to go out with this guy. I refused to go alone, so I am doubling with my friend and his boyfriend, just to make matters more interesting.
Why am I doing this? Because I need to. I need to dip my toes in the water and ignore the fact that it is freezing and just slide on in. I'm not good at this. I wasn't as a teenager, and I am pretty sure I will be no better this time around. I always feel a bit awkward, I find it hard to relax and just enjoy the evening. Plus, I never have a clue if a guy likes me or not. This has apparently caused frustration in guys int he past who are interested in me and I'm still acting like we are just friends because I don't notice the signs, and they think I am trying to make it clear I am not interested. Pretty much, if they aren't blunt about it I don't realize it. And by blunt, I mean trying to kiss me or outright saying they like me more than just a friend...I'm just that clueless.
These things make dating frustrating, you can't imagine my elation once I was married and thought I would never have to go through that again. Here I am. It's depressing and honestly a little frustrating. I'm just going to have to find a guy who is willing to be patient with me, and easy going and persistent.
So, I'm going out tomorrow, and I am trying hard not to stress. I refuse to freak out over what I wear, or if my jeans make my butt look bad. I'm considering this a practice round, and if things work out so be it but I'm not looking for anything with this guy. I need to keep the stress down so that I do not screw it all up. Breathe in...breathe out....
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