12.03.09
I'm taking a trip. Two friends and I are going to drive up the coast of California over the next few days. It's a trip I've always wanted to do, I'm glad to be going. I feel pretty good these days, I'm surrounded by good friends, and I have a good job. I can spend time alone and be okay.
Something is off though. I should be excited. This concerns me. I'm not. I haven't even packed, and my friends are due to arrive to spend the night any minute. I worry that I have lost a lot of my passion for life in the process of this divorce. I've done a great job at being me, not trying to please anybody. There are some parts of me though, that I just can't seem to find. I am quite worried that it is irreparable, as my passion for life is one of my most treasured attributes. It seems the only strong feeling I can have is sadness, but I don't even do that very well.
Looking back, this detached melancholy was probably my defense - my only means of survival - in the beginning. I think it is unhealthy for it to stick around so long though, and I have no idea how to break free.
So I'm going to try. Make a conscious effort to be happy, really happy. More prayers tonight, that it will work.
I'm taking a trip. Two friends and I are going to drive up the coast of California over the next few days. It's a trip I've always wanted to do, I'm glad to be going. I feel pretty good these days, I'm surrounded by good friends, and I have a good job. I can spend time alone and be okay.
Something is off though. I should be excited. This concerns me. I'm not. I haven't even packed, and my friends are due to arrive to spend the night any minute. I worry that I have lost a lot of my passion for life in the process of this divorce. I've done a great job at being me, not trying to please anybody. There are some parts of me though, that I just can't seem to find. I am quite worried that it is irreparable, as my passion for life is one of my most treasured attributes. It seems the only strong feeling I can have is sadness, but I don't even do that very well.
Looking back, this detached melancholy was probably my defense - my only means of survival - in the beginning. I think it is unhealthy for it to stick around so long though, and I have no idea how to break free.
So I'm going to try. Make a conscious effort to be happy, really happy. More prayers tonight, that it will work.
im glad to see youare getting out and living life. it took me nearly two years before I got back into life after my divorce and it nearly ruined me. i am just now learnning i can enjoy things without my husband.
ReplyDeleteI'm 2 months into a divorce and I think a vacation is just what I need. I work a lot now that I don't have anything else to fill my life, but I think I could gather some friends and have a weekend getaway. It's a good idea!
ReplyDelete