10.12.09
I am coming to enjoy living on my own. I can come and go as I please. I can stay up late, and still turn the light on when I go to bed. I can sleep in or get up early (not that I ever do that unless I have to work. ) I have taken to watching movies lately. I want to watch a good action movie, maybe the Bourne movies, but I have not been sleeping well so I am sticking to tame chick flicks. I’ve been in a bad mood today, though I am not sure why. I am working late shifts all week, except for Thursday when I have to be in at 7AM, and I am glad for that because I get much more sleep when I can sleep in the morning.
I will be glad to get my degree and be able to get into a career. I wish I had started that a lot sooner. I will be awarded my AA this winter, and I am excited to have that. The first in my family to get a college degree. I may be divorced, but I am still better off than others in my family. Not financially better than my sister, but she has such a screwed up story that I feel that the rest of my life is still better, even if I am alone.
I have been thinking about dating again. My divorce is not final until February, but I’d like to dip my feet in the water a bit before then. The only problem is who would I date? I don’t go anywhere to meet people. This concerns me. I do eventually want to remarry, but how will this ever happen? Where do people meet each other? So, I wait. I do not look forward to the dating scene, but on the other hand I would like to see…I’m not sure what I want to see. If I could be wanted again. If somebody might find me attractive. If somebody might enjoy my company. And eventually, if somebody would consider spending their life with me.
I feel like I have come out of this marriage so broken that I don’t know what are my real shortcomings, and which ones were invented by him, or used as a cover-up for his own shortcomings. So these reasons make me very nervous about getting serious with somebody. However, it seems that the only way to work through these is just to date again and when I get serious, hopefully they will be understanding and patient with me. And hopefully, all those problems were not me.
I am coming to enjoy living on my own. I can come and go as I please. I can stay up late, and still turn the light on when I go to bed. I can sleep in or get up early (not that I ever do that unless I have to work. ) I have taken to watching movies lately. I want to watch a good action movie, maybe the Bourne movies, but I have not been sleeping well so I am sticking to tame chick flicks. I’ve been in a bad mood today, though I am not sure why. I am working late shifts all week, except for Thursday when I have to be in at 7AM, and I am glad for that because I get much more sleep when I can sleep in the morning.
I will be glad to get my degree and be able to get into a career. I wish I had started that a lot sooner. I will be awarded my AA this winter, and I am excited to have that. The first in my family to get a college degree. I may be divorced, but I am still better off than others in my family. Not financially better than my sister, but she has such a screwed up story that I feel that the rest of my life is still better, even if I am alone.
I have been thinking about dating again. My divorce is not final until February, but I’d like to dip my feet in the water a bit before then. The only problem is who would I date? I don’t go anywhere to meet people. This concerns me. I do eventually want to remarry, but how will this ever happen? Where do people meet each other? So, I wait. I do not look forward to the dating scene, but on the other hand I would like to see…I’m not sure what I want to see. If I could be wanted again. If somebody might find me attractive. If somebody might enjoy my company. And eventually, if somebody would consider spending their life with me.
I feel like I have come out of this marriage so broken that I don’t know what are my real shortcomings, and which ones were invented by him, or used as a cover-up for his own shortcomings. So these reasons make me very nervous about getting serious with somebody. However, it seems that the only way to work through these is just to date again and when I get serious, hopefully they will be understanding and patient with me. And hopefully, all those problems were not me.
I understand what you are going through as I never want to date again. I can not handle another heartbreak or another unfaithful woman. I think I am going to remain single from now on. Life is much easier now that I only worry about me. Good luck, Colleen I admire your courage to do what is hard.
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