09.25.09
I have started my new job, and I really like it. I spend my free time either with friends, watching movies, or writing. Writing is so therapeutic for me.
Surprisingly, I do not feel as lonely as I expected. I am fully enjoying getting my apartment together the way I like it. I was given a bunch of candles from a friend, and it is calming to burn them each night as I go about my evening routines. I love never having pee on the toilet seat, or finding a sink full of dirty dishes I didn't know about. I love the order and organization of being the only one in my house.
I still hate sleeping alone, or not having somebody to tell about my day. or hearing about somebody's day. I still miss hugs. Hugs. This is a big one. My three-year-old nephew was at my house the other day, and before he left he gave me a big hug quite unexpectedly. Once he was out the door, I broke down on the floor in tears. It had been so long since I had been touched, let alone hugged. Every day, often several times a day I would just melt into his arms for a hug, I loved the safety and security and love I felt when wrapped in a hug. I miss hugs.
I have been hugged a few times from girlfriends, but it is just...not the same. They are weak, and contain little of what I love about hugs. First off, they are loose. I love good, tight hugs. I guess for me I enjoy hugging people bigger than me, I guess that's why I like hugging my guy friends, they carry that same sense of safety, something girl hugs are lacking. I am sad I no longer have the guy friends that I did when I was single. I could use the hugs.
I have started my new job, and I really like it. I spend my free time either with friends, watching movies, or writing. Writing is so therapeutic for me.
Surprisingly, I do not feel as lonely as I expected. I am fully enjoying getting my apartment together the way I like it. I was given a bunch of candles from a friend, and it is calming to burn them each night as I go about my evening routines. I love never having pee on the toilet seat, or finding a sink full of dirty dishes I didn't know about. I love the order and organization of being the only one in my house.
I still hate sleeping alone, or not having somebody to tell about my day. or hearing about somebody's day. I still miss hugs. Hugs. This is a big one. My three-year-old nephew was at my house the other day, and before he left he gave me a big hug quite unexpectedly. Once he was out the door, I broke down on the floor in tears. It had been so long since I had been touched, let alone hugged. Every day, often several times a day I would just melt into his arms for a hug, I loved the safety and security and love I felt when wrapped in a hug. I miss hugs.
I have been hugged a few times from girlfriends, but it is just...not the same. They are weak, and contain little of what I love about hugs. First off, they are loose. I love good, tight hugs. I guess for me I enjoy hugging people bigger than me, I guess that's why I like hugging my guy friends, they carry that same sense of safety, something girl hugs are lacking. I am sad I no longer have the guy friends that I did when I was single. I could use the hugs.
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